Mindfulness and Compassion in Psychotherapy

As the seasons change, it can be hard not to notice the transformations that exist in nature. A season of growth might invite courage and exploration while a season of transition might call for patience and flexibility. I sometimes think of being in therapy as entering into a relationship that has many “seasons” if you can be open to noticing and reflecting about yourself with kindness. So is the practice of mindfulness and compassion in psychotherapy.

Mindfulness is a way of bringing attention to the present moment with openness and curiosity. In therapy, this can help clients notice thoughts, emotions, physical sensations and patterns without immediately becoming overwhelmed by them. If we learn to “pause” before reacting, and to spend time recognizing or discerning different aspects of our experience, then we can approach our behaviors in different ways.

For example, we might notice that a difficult conversation brings up feelings of anger, fear, or rejection. Rather than immediately acting on those feelings, mindfulness gives us an opportunity to pause and ask, “What am I experiencing right now? What am I noticing in my body? What thoughts are coming up for me?” This awareness can help us better understand ourselves and our patterns.

Compassion is the practice of meeting what we discover about ourselves with kindness rather than judgment. Many people enter therapy carrying an internal voice that is critical, harsh, and unforgiving. Unfortunately, this can increase shame responses and keep us stuck. When we are constantly judging ourselves, it can become difficult to learn from our experiences because so much of our energy is spent feeling badly about ourselves. Compassion doesn’t mean that we can avoid responsibility or excuse harmful behaviors but instead compassion allows us to hold accountability, care and kindness together. We can acknowledge when we have made mistakes, recognize behaviors we want to change, and still offer ourselves understanding as we work toward something different.

In time, we can learn to look at our human experience with thoughtfulness and gentleness. We can become more curious about why we respond in certain ways and what those responses may be trying to communicate. Sometimes what we initially see as a flaw or weakness may be connected to an old pattern, a protective response, or an unmet need.

Developing mindfulness and compassion for one’s self teaches us that healing is not about becoming someone who never struggles. It is not about eliminating difficult emotions or always responding perfectly. Its about developing a kinder relationship with the person who is struggling. It is learning to stay present with ourselves through the difficult seasons instead of turning away from ourselves when things become hard.

A question to ask ourselves is, “in this particular season of my life, can I meet myself, exactly as I am, with more kindness, love, patience?" Perhaps mindfulness and compassion begin with simply becoming willing to ask that question—and giving ourselves permission to be where we are.

About the Author

Lea Kennedy, MA LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who is passionate about serving individuals, couples, and families across the lifespan. Interested in learning more about mindfulness? Call 360-841-5002 and book a complimentary consultation with Lea.